During my undergraduate college career, I was introduced to the concept of self-care. The notion of self-care was drilled into my psyche as a Resident Assistant and Social Work major. It continued to be an ongoing point of discussion as I progressed into graduate school and my first full-time professional position. As I understood it, self-care was balancing one’s time to ensure that one takes care of their basic human needs - eating properly, sleeping enough, exercising, and maintaining a social life. Although I wasn’t the best at practicing certain aspects of self-care, I excelled at others and felt like something was missing. After taking up the better part of my first year in graduate school to figure it out, I finally identified the missing link of my self-care plan – healing.
In trying times where many are focused on shaming people’s differences and building walls to divide one another, I don’t think there is a more fitting focal point. Healing is defined as, “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.” As a graduate student studying Higher Education at Loyola Chicago University, I was awoken to the necessity of becoming healthy again, or possibly for the first time ever. With open wounds, I found it difficult to navigate an education centered on multiculturalism, social justice, cura personalis, and serving with/for others. It was not that I couldn’t commit to these concepts, it was that I hadn’t taken the time to heal the pain and sorrow of the past, which made navigating my graduate education strenuous and distressing.
I found it tough to sit through Title IX trainings and presentations because I had yet to fully acknowledge personal challenges of being a survivor of sexual abuse. I was uncomfortable hosting conduct meetings or responding to duty and crisis situations that involved highly intoxicated students because I had yet to confront my personal issues with substance abuse. I found myself in a field where there was a trigger around every corner and I couldn’t escape it. I started to wonder how my personal health was impacted by my work and knew something had to change for me to continue working in Higher Education. After identifying the absence of healing from my self-care, I dedicated the next two years to actively healing my susceptible wounds so I can exceed at work and sustain my health. Although I am still learning every day, I have identified some essential concepts of healing that I believe can benefit others. These concepts include: authenticity, vulnerability, affinity/community, and presence.
Authenticity – Nothing feels better than finding spaces where I can be my authentic self, especially as an individual with salient underrepresented identities. Coming out as a gay male was terrifying and I had no clue how people were going to perceive me moving forward, but since then I have slowly been able to mend some of the pain of my past. Simply standing in a room and naming who I am is the greatest feeling in the world. This is especially important since people naturally create generalized assumptions about others based on a socialization dictated by dominant narratives. When unable to share my authentic self with others, my value as a person is lost in the false narratives that others create about me. I acknowledge it may not be safe for me to be authentic in every waking moment or every environment I navigate, but finding the places that I can be authentic and frequenting them has been vital in my personal healing journey.
Vulnerability – Before college, I often struggled with being vulnerable. I associated vulnerability with weakness, so I was rarely vulnerable with others because I didn’t want to be perceived as weak. Now, as a new professional, I often see students and colleagues struggle with being vulnerable too, just like I once did. While attending college, I discovered that vulnerability was the only true way that I could find support and live as my true self. Often, I take time to be vulnerable with those around me, even with students. I find being vulnerable with students creates an environment where the holistic individual is present and welcome more often. If I look for students to be vulnerable with me and I am not with them, I’ve noticed distance begins to grow in our relationship. My vulnerability creates comfort, trust, and space for others to open up and be vulnerable. Inevitably this leads to more holistic interactions with students and colleagues, which brings me closer to living out the true meaning of cura personalis. If I am not vulnerable with my students and colleagues, I think my ability to live out the purpose of cura personalis will be stunted.
Affinity/Community – Finding affinity and community has created an atmosphere where my authenticity, vulnerability, and health are supported and encouraged. Finding affinity with those who have similar social identities and life experiences has allowed me to emerge from isolation. When my authentic-self went unspoken, it was difficult to relate to others and made me believe I was the only person dealing with a particular problem. For example, as a gay cismale with passing privilege, I failed to find affinity with others in the LGBTQIA+ community before coming out and it felt as if I was the only person struggling with coming to terms with my sexual orientation. The isolation during that time was harmful and eventually contributed to my decision to drop out of college. Although it is a risk, I'd rather risk not being accepted by the majority and find small pockets of affinity/community, instead of being inauthentic and isolated in my day to day life.
Presence – Throughout this healing process, I’ve discovered the value of being present with others. In a life that is dictated by an outlook or google calendar, I find it challenging to be present in the moment. When I am not present in the moment, I often find myself drifting off into the hardship of the past or worrying about things out of my control. When present in the moment, I find agency and the ability to problem solve or progress through my to-do list. I’ve also grown gratitude towards those that excel at being present with me. If I am having a bad day and confide in a friend or colleague, I’m not looking for them to resolve my problems. Their presence alone creates a space where I can find harmony and healing for myself. I keep this in mind when working with students, knowing I can’t solve all or any of their problems, but being present with them can often provide comfort and security.
Certainly, these are not the only aspects of healing, but have proven to be essential in my self-care journey the past couple years. In addition to finding a good therapist, these essential concepts have filled in the missing pieces of a once hallow understanding of self-care. I look forward to discovering new ways of healing as I progress throughout my career, and hope these strategies of healing will lead to a long and healthy future in Higher Education. As I conclude, I ponder, can one truly practice self-care or find health if one is not healing the wounds of their past? What concepts are essential for your own healing? What words of wisdom or lessons would you share with your students and colleagues? How can authenticity, vulnerability, affinity/community, and presence help you find healing?
Kevin Krauskopf is a college dropout turned master's graduate. He earned a Bachelor’s degree in Social Work from Illinois State University and a Master’s degree in Higher Education from Loyola University Chicago. Presently, Kevin tries to embrace his holistic self to provide depth, strength, joy, vulnerability, reflection, authenticity, justice, and care to the field of Higher Education. Kevin believes his role as a student affairs practitioner can help transform the lives of students, especially those that are traditionally underrepresented. Education has served as a path to Kevin's liberation and hopes to share his insights and experiences with students and colleagues to pay forward the blessings he has received from the fruits of Higher Education. Currently, Kevin is working as a Residence Hall Coordinator at Saint Louis University. In his free time, he enjoys long walks, music, comedy, and reflecting. Want to connect with Kevin? Reach out via email, krauskopfk@slu.edu.