I first glimpsed the prayer on Instagram, of all places. “Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” That was all I read. At the time, I thought nothing of it, except that it sounded like a very romantic notion, sort of whimsical, yet vaguely inspirational, something you would read in a cute, curly font pasted over a scenic photograph of a mountain range, or an empty yellow-dashed road, on Pinterest. Intrigued, a quick Google search informed me that it was actually a prayer commonly attributed to Father Pedro Arrupe.
The entire prayer, short and sweet, reads:
“Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.”
I officially joined the Jesuit family late last June when I moved from Portland, OR to San Francisco, CA to work at the University of San Francisco. I grew up in a non-religious family, and thus, I can admit that my exposure to the Christian faith, let alone Catholicism, is rather limited. However, I am always open to learning. Though I do not identify as a religious individual, upon further researching the Jesuit philosophy during my job search last year, I found that many of its values deeply resonated with me. As a nonreligious person, I have always found profound insight among many faith-based teachings and always when I most needed it.
I found this quote during a difficult time in my work life where I began to deeply question my career in residence life. To be brief, residence life is far more than the glitter throwing and pizza parties that many of my colleagues glimpse on the surface; there were moments this past semester where I felt exhaustion and despair deep within my very bones. For someone whose job is very much an extension of their existential purpose, this period of my life worried me and made me restless for change. I am not a person who can sit idle in the face of losing my life’s sense of purpose. It felt deeply unsettling, yet I challenged myself to remain resilient.
Since then, I have re-centered myself around my work in residence life. I have discovered strategies to cope with the more difficult days so that I could savor and relish the abundance of good days. It is, for the most part, a strategy of finding different perspectives to reframe setbacks as challenges or lessons to be learned. During a time of the year where many of us are making new resolutions, I hope that these tiny tips can help rejuvenate within you a sense of purpose for the upcoming year.
- Let it all out: Whether it means conferring with your supervisor, a friend, or a therapist (I highly recommend therapy for, like, anything), putting your frustrations into words will not only feel good, but the right person can help you nail the precise why behind your muddled feelings. If it feels more comfortable for you, journaling is also a fantastic way to just get your feelings onto paper before you can tackle it head on. I’m an interpersonal processor, so I found talking to my supervisors, coworkers, and my partner extremely helpful. The next step? Make this a habit.
- Reframe setbacks and obstacles into challenges and lessons learned: This is a great habit to cultivate, though admittedly, it does take some practice and time. For example, a difficult duty situation will serve as a great teaching moment for you and a fantastic moment to connect with a student in a potentially vulnerable moment of their life-- and it’ll serve as greater fodder for an interview question for the future!
- Accentuate the positive: In difficult times, it has helped me to really dig into the parts of my job that I’ve always loved-- supervision, coaching, mentoring, one-on-one relationships with my student staff and coworkers, the incredible opportunity to live in a beautiful city.
- Focus, and refocus, on purpose-- and cut out all the rest: Many of us chose this field for a reason and in the day to day grind of our jobs, it’s easy to forget that purpose amidst the flurry of e-mails and paperwork. Taking time off to recenter ourselves on the why of our work is crucial. For me, that is the support of the development of my students. Everything else? It’s nonessential. Easy as that. From there, we pick and choose our priorities. For this reason, I love the saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys;” and as Fr. Pedro Arrupe said, “Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”
Here’s wishing you a year full of love, light, and purpose!
Joanne currently serves as a residence director at the University of San Francisco. In her free time, she enjoys meandering through bookstores, dabbling in fiction writing, and drinking espresso. Joanne is a hopeful future puppy owner, considers herself an idealist, and loves connecting with others about all things geek! You can reach her at joanneh.sea@gmail.com.